Mess, conflict, misery

You didn't give a damn about her feelings when you kept pushing for everything she wanted to kept private. Now that her burning passion was extinguished because you kept pushing on. 

For once where she felt so relieved and happy that her hard work paid off, her passion reignited enough to continue. However, now that she finally received something to prove that her hard work paid off, she was disgusted by how you only thought about the results than to feel  happy and proud.  

In the end, nothing ever matters when the results are the most important. You should've thought twice before pressing on about something she was equally worried about. Even when she's stressed or worried, you wouldn't even care or be there for her. Now that she finally knows what matters to you, she wouldn't hesitate to use it to break herself. Hoping that one day, you would feel her stress and her pain. 

Sherm

Monster inside of head

I was told 

Be a good girl

You became 

So vile and hostile

Towards me

I viewed the world 

The way you did

You said I was

Wrong 

But Guess what?

You are

You influenced

My train of thoughts

How I perceived 

You and the world

With your actions

Thank you 

For becoming a

Monster

For teaching me

To become one

Don't regret what

You've done 

One More Chance

She was often told

Life has no second chances 

She believed

It's different today

Where she lives

In a second chance

They said give your best

I did my best 

It wasn't good

Not enough for you 

AL•LA

People change

You changed

Maybe it was me

That became mean

It was interesting 

Not really intentional

It seems like the distance is already there and whatever between and used to be during those days of late nights because I can't sleep.

Bonds forged

Everything broken. It's just how surprising one day to the next, within 24 hours, everything we once had was gone. From friendship to nothing at all within seconds. Maybe it was just us putting expectations too high only to have it brought down with disappointments time and again. Broken bonds and nothing but us once again as strangers with memories. 

Promises

I shouldn't have told you in the first place. I shouldn't have let you know what was going on inside my brain for you to use it against me. No, I shouldn't have let you in on what's been in my brain for years. 

It's too late to regret, isn't it? You've been using it against me even though you said you wouldn't. You went back on your words. How can I trust you from now on? I don't know. 

Maybe, just maybe. I'm better off where I am. It's better if I'm in this alone.

Rock

Anagapesis 

No longer feeling affection for someone you once love

  It seems like I used to love you and worship on the floor you walked in but now? As I grew older and saw more of the world, I saw how perhaps you were wrong at times. You couldn't see how much I was hurting because of every single of your actions. No, I didn't dare to tell you how worthless to me now.

 I fear you. I fear all the things you can do and threaten me with right now for I am weaker without people who used to love me. All of them? No, just one special group dear to my heart. I love them all and I still do. But I didn't dare to contact anyone of them when we started drifting apart because of you. 

Don't ruin my happiness with all your suspicions. It's always you accusing me of things that never happens. What about you? Whenever I accused you, you go batshit crazy? How is it that I'm still sane after associating with you for this Long? I'm amazed. 

 Maybe after all, I just want to be normal and normality wouldn't come till your suspicions dissolve into nothing. Where I can freely associate myself with anyone I want to without having to lose contact with them. I miss all of you so much. I promise I'll be back. Not soon but maybe sooner than we think. 

Shermaine

I'm burning out, I'm getting mentally weaker day by day. Isn't it fun for you to see me neck deep in a barrel filled with pressure? I hope it is. Maybe you don't and let me tell you how I'm drowning in my thoughts. 

I relapsed. The very first time this year. I turned into a monster again just from the actions of yours. I saw how I grew instead of stronger, I became weaker. I knew I had to find away out and that again is history repeating itself. 

Excuses saying I didn't know what I was doing but I knew. All along I knew that I was once again channeling all positivity into negativity but that didn't push me on. I burned out. Quicker and faster than I ever thought would happened. 

Maybe the stem of pressure wasn't gotten rid off. Maybe it resided in my brain all these while. Maybe my own thoughts too became the added pressure that was urging to compress me till I combust.