I'm sorry

A cut across my wrist, deep and wide. I started crying profusely, wondering why am I doing it again. I wanted to stop but the need of something really sharp sliding across my wrist is getting stronger.

People say time heals what you are going true, I tried to believe that but for a month I kept wondering if it's true. My temptation keeps getting stronger day by day. I started to believe what they say was false. 

One day exactly a month of being clean, I couldn't stay strong anymore. I went back to my usual path, the blade sliding across my wrist. It hurts, the blood kept flowing out but nothing feels like the pain I was feeling in my heart. 

After that slit, I cried my heart out. I regretted it so much for it not only hurt me, it hurts every one around me. I thought I could be free from this struggle forever but I couldn't. 

I hope that I would really be okay. To all my friends thanks for helping me, I promise that I will stay strong for you guys. Thanks for being there for me so that I could rely on you. I won't disappoint you guys anymore. 

To W, I'm really sorry I broke this promise.

You can scold, you can ignore me for all you like but please forgive and I won't do this again. When you read this, I'm most probably crying and really unhappy because of what happened just now. I really don't want anything to happen to us. I'm really trying hard now to seek help so please wait and we will see the results together. 

I love you all be it my friend or enemy, I won't hate you because it's too tiring to hate. G'bye

Definition(s) of Love

They ask what is love? Why do you love someone so much? 

I don't have a definite answer for this but I do know what my definition of love is.

• To me love is where you look at your mom and think: wow! No one is as beautiful as her!

•  It's where you look at your family, though you feel it isn't that close but you want to make it whole again.

•  It's where you look at your dad and you will be like: next time when I have a boyfriend, I want him to be like daddy!(for girls only)

•  It's where you think your life is perfect and you enjoy every single thing.

•  It's where you think your dad is the most handsome guy on earth and no one is as handsome as him.

•  It's where you forgive that person no matter how wrong that person can be. You will forgive and forget that wrong thing he or she has done.

•  It's where you want to spend your whole life with that person be it your mom, dad or your other half.

Thanks for reading my post on my definition of love! G'night

Mid Year Exams 2014

          Why do I keep forgetting my thoughts every time I look at those questions of my exam paper?
 Before the exam, anyone could ask me anything about the subject and I could give them a correct answer but when I see the questions I forgot all that has been remembered through the months of lesson. They say that I could've been really nervous or I'm just ill prepared.
          I guess I just have to work harder but I've already messed up my history and maths paper 2 by not finishing the papers on time. Some other papers like my Chinese and English ones wasn't done well but I know that I can pass but for maths and history, it's like I have no idea. I guess I just have to work harder but I can't concentrate during revision and I have this problem where I can't remember a single thing now. Guess that it's going to be a bad MYE for me!:(
          Good Luck for those having Mid Year Examinations! Just do it! G'night

Past and present

They say it's okay to have a past

Yet they judge all my scars 

The feelings can never pass

As long as they judge my past.

This short poem was written when some jerk started to judge me. I wonder why they judge me till I see an exact same replica of me in class. I then understand what they felt when they saw me, those thoughts are horrible but they reflected me. I guess that I can never be happy again till I'm in a place where I feel happy and where nobody judges me. 

Thanks for reading my post! Goodbye

Thoughts

Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me. I spent all my time thinking about suicide and all the negative stuff that I'm not allowed to think about. This thoughts made me happy and smile, I thought. Little did I know that they were killing me inside and left me craving for more.

When my family found out about it, they too were affected by it. Seeing this made me feel guilty but the thoughts didn't seem to stop.

The only person that did a thing was my cousin. She took down the depressing quotes on my bedroom's wall and pasted one which she wrote. This quote 'I have a great life and I treasure it', made me cry. I was moved by what she did. She made me realized that I must change my thoughts. I tried to change my thinking from then on.

Thanks cousin, without what you did, I might've been nothing. Maybe still dwelling on those thoughts but you made the first move. Thank you.

I know I'm emo

This is me on my way to school on some Wednesday... I know I'm not that pretty and I ain't gonna say that I'm pretty:)